In the 1960's, a French Catholic nurse, Marie Carre, attended an auto-crash victim who was brought into her hospital in a city she purposely does not name. The man lingered there near death for a few hours and then died. He had no identification on him, but he had a briefcase in which there was a set of quasi-biographical notes. She kept these notes and read them, and because of their extraordinary content, decided to publish them. The result is this little book, AA-1025-The Memoirs of an Anti Apostle, about a Communist who purposely entered the Catholic priesthood (along with many, many others) with the intent to subvert and destroy the Church from within.

This little book, his strange yet fascinating and illuminating set of biographical notes, tells of his commission to enter the priesthood, his various experiences in the seminary, and the means and methods he used and promoted to help effect from within the auto-dissolution of the Catholic Church.

Absorbing and compelling reading from beginning to end, The Memoirs of an Anti Apostle is must reading for every Catholic today and for all who would understand just what has happened to undermine the Catholic Church since the 1960's. No one will read this book without a profound assent that something just like what is described here must surely have happened on a wide scale in order to have dis-rupted the life of the Catholic Church so dramatically.

An 'easy read' paperback that you will have a hard time putting down once you pick it up!

ADDENDUM - 11/14/06

The Confessions of a Communist Agent On The Attempt to Destroy the Roman Catholic Church from Within

I. Introduction.

This is the story of a Communist agent who infiltrated into the Catholic Church in 1938, went to the Seminary, became a Priest who wielded enormous power behind the scene, participated in the Second Vatican Council, and without the intervention of Pope Paul VI himself he would have destroyed its works. He succeeded, however, in fostering the adoption of ambiguous Council documents which laid the ground work for future experiments by unsuspecting Prelates and Priests. These experiments based on the "Spirit of the Council" are destroying the 2,000-year Traditions of the Church, leading the Catholic faithful on the road to the Great Apostasy, and preparing the Church for the election of the Anti-Pope and for the reception of the coming Anti-Christ. He stated: "'The Spirit of the Council' has become for me a master-trump." The reader should observe that many harmful changes that the agent proposed have been implemented, some in direct disobedience to the the Pope, at the local dioceses throughout the world.

This agent had no name, only a code number AA-1025 given by the Russian Secret Police, meaning the Anti-Apostle number 1025. There had been 1024 agents like him before him. By now there must have been at least several thousands of them in the Catholic Church. Some must have risen to the rank of Archbishop and Cardinal, many of whom could have been heads of Departments in the Curia (Papal government) and religious Congregations. No wonder the 2000-year Traditions of the Church are being slowly demolished and replaced by heresies like Modernism, Arianism, Pelagian, Protestantism, Atheism, Liberation Theology. Nevertheless, Our Lord stated: "Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." (Matthew 16:18).

Further, Our Lord promised: "Behold, I am with you all days, even unto the consummation of the world." (Matthew 28:20). This should be understood literally, i.e. Our Lord Jesus Christ is living really and truly among the Catholic faithfull in His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity every day on the Altar in the Mass and in all Tabernacles until the end of the world, even during the persecution of the Church by the Anti-Christ. One can cite many Eucharistic miracles throughout centuries to prove this. One of the most famous miracles if that of Lanciano, Italy in 8th century. There, the Host turned into flesh and wine blood. The Eucharistic flesh of Lanciano was examined by Dr. Linoli and Dr. Bertelli in Siena, Italy in 1971. They concluded that the flesh was striated muscular tissue of the myocardium (heart wall) of human origin, and the blood was of type AB. (cf. Joan Carroll Cruz, Eucharistic Miracles, Rockford, Illinois: Tan Books, 1987). The latest miracle was wrought through Julia Kim, a Korean housewife and a stigmatist. On October 31, 1995, Julia visited the Vatican and attended a Mass said by Pope John Paul II. At Communion, she received the Consecrated Host which immediately turned into live flesh and blood on her tongue. This was winessed by the Pope. Its was also witnessed by Msgr. Paik who testified that as the Sacred Host was turning into Flesh and Blood, it also became larger and formed the shape of a heart. This was the 12th Eucharistic miracle that Julia experienced. The 11th was in Naju, South Korea, on September 22, 1995 when the Sacred Host also turned into live Flesh and Blood on her tongue during a Mass celebrated by Bishop Roman Danylak from Toronto, Canada. (For color photos and video of these miracles, write or call Mary's Touch By Mail, P.O. Box 1668, Gresham, OR 97030, Phone: (503) 669-8443, Fax: (503) 669-7023.)

As Our Lord said: "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away." (Luke 21:33). Thus, the Church will never be destroyed as has been hoped by its enemies but always survive in her faithful remnant.

The Agent died in the hospital after a car accident. The nurse (Marie Carre) who attended him found the memoirs in his brief case. After she read it, she decided to publish the memoirs for the world to know why the Catholic Church has been undergoing destructive changes to the lament of its faithful. The English translation is published under the title AA 1025, The Memoirs of an Anti-Apostle by Éditions Saint-Raphael, 31, rue King Ouest, Suite 212, Sherbrooke, Québec, Canada, 1988.

Marie Carre gave him the name Michael. He stated in the memoirs that he was forced by some irresistible urge to write. He intended to destroy the memoirs so nobody could read it. But our Lord has stated that nothing can remain hidden. "For nothing is covered that shall not be revealed: nor hid, that shall not be known." (Matthew 10: 26). In this case, for the glory of God and for the consolation of the faithful, God wanted the memoirs to be revealed, and nobody could prevent it, including its author. This is another example that it is useless to fight against God Who declared: "See ye that I alone am, there is no other God besides me: I will kill and I will make to live: I will strike, and I will heal, and there is none that can deliver out of my hand." (Deuteronomy 32:39). It only hurts the persecutor as Our Lord told Saul (who later became St. Paul): "Saul, Saul, why dost thou persecute me? It is hard for thee to kick against the goad." (Acts 26:14).

Michael met a French girl whom he named "Raven Hair." They loved each other. He tried to persuade her to support his cause in destroying the Catholic Church. As a devout Catholic, she steadfastly refused to join him. Despite all sophisticated arguments he had used successfully to mislead even the Clergy in the Church, he failed miserably before a seemingly ignorant girl. Her letter to him is a little masterpiece of apologetic theology. Despite her love for him, she was opposing his atheism, defending God and the Church. Yet, she said she would sacrifice her life to save him. She entered the Carmelite Convent to pray to God in his name. Michael writes: "She was there for my sake, she would have her hair cut for my sake, she would pray for me all her life, she would be behind gratings for my sake, never anymore would she have the least lover's joy . . for my sake." If he was saved, it would be due to a great grace gained from her sacrifice and atonement for his sins.

Finally, an example of ambiguity in the Documents of the Second Vatican Council can be seen from the following excerpts from The Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy (Sacrosanctum Concilium, December 4, 1963, printed in A. Flannery, editor, Vatican Council II, the Conciliar and Post Conciliar Documents, 1988 Revised Edition, Costello Publishing Company.) They contain a lot of "yes, but"s:

21.... For the liturgy is made up of unchangeable elements divinely instituted, and of elements subject to change. These latter not only may be changed but ought to be changed with the passage of time, if they have suffered from the intrusion of anything out of harmony with the inner nature of the liturgy or have become less suitable.

23. In order that sound tradition be retained, and yet the way remain open to legitimate progress, a careful investigation -- theological, historical, and pastoral -- should always be made into each part of the liturgy which is to be revised.

36. (1) The use of the Latin language, with due respect to particular law, is to be preserved in the Latin rites. (2) But since the use of the vernacular, whether in the Mass, the administration of the sacraments, or in other parts of the liturgy, may frequently be of great advantage to the people, a wider use may be made of it, especially in readings, directives and in some prayers and chants.

37. Even in the liturgy the Church does not wish to impose a rigid uniformity in matters which do not involve the faith or the good of the whole community. Rather does she respect and foster the qualities and talents of the various races and nations....She sometimes even admits such things into the liturgy itself, provided they harmonize with its true and authentic spirit. (Comment: the good of the whole community becomes an important criterion equal to faith in determining whether the liturgy should be adapted (changed) to local customs! What if something is considered "good for community" but is against the tradition of the Church?)

II. Confession of the Communist Secret Agent

Michael was born in 1917 probably from Russian parents fleeing the Revolution. A Polish doctor and his wife found him wandering along the road at the age of three. The couple were devout Catholics but had no child of their own. They adopted him and loved him as their own. In his confession Michael relates that the Polish couple were very good to him, very generous, and full of affection. When he reached fourteen, his happy life changed. He overheard his parents mentioning that he was not their son. They were worried about obtaining a passport for him to go with them to Rome and Paris. He had been brought up to believe that they were his real mother and father. The revelation of his real status in the family shocked him and caused instant hatred for his parents. He decided to run away from home and met a friend who introduced him to his uncle who was a high-ranking official in the Russian Secret Police.

Michael had completed 6 years of study and by now was 20 years old. He was called to the office of The Uncle who told him: "I am now going to send you to practice a militant and international atheism. You will have to fight all religions, but principally the Catholic, which is better organized. To do so, you will enter a seminary and become a Roman Catholic priest.... to be able to enter a seminary, you will have to return to Poland, reconcile yourself with your adoptive family and present yourself to the bishop."

The Uncle added : "A secret agent has no blood in his veins, no heart, loves no one, not even himself. He is the thing of the Party, which will devour him alive and without warning. Keep this well in mind that, wherever you will be, we will watch you and get rid of you at your first imprudence. It is to be well understood that if you are in danger, even without it being your fault, you must not rely upon us. You will be disavowed... Hatred, except the hatred of God, at Lenin's example, does not enter into our services. I need that you be accepted by a true bishop of your native country, Poland. But, we do not intend to have you pursue your religious studies in that country. No, you will be sent to a country across the Atlantic, but this is confidential and you will simulate surprise when you receive that order. Yes, we are led to fear a European war with that fool who rules Germany. Therefore, it seems wiser to have you study somewhere else, Canada, for example. We have another motive also. It is that European Seminaries are much more strict than those of America."

The Uncle gave further instructions to Michael: "The ten persons who will be directly under your orders will never know you. To reach you, they will have to pass through me. Thus you will never be denounced. We already have in our service numerous priests in all countries where Catholicism is implanted, but you will never know one another. One is a bishop. Maybe you will enter into contact with him, it will depend upon the rank that you reach. We have spies everywhere and particularly old ones who follow the press of the whole world. A compendium will be sent to you regularly. We will easily know when your own ideas have made their way into peoples' minds. See, an idea is good when some idiot writer presents it as one of his own. Nobody is more conceited than a writer. We rely much on such writers and we do not have to train them. They work for us without knowing it or rather without wanting to."

Michael proposed to the Uncle: "As soon as. I entered the seminary, I was supposed to try to discover how to destroy all that was taught to me. But to do so, I should have to study attentively and intelligently, that is without passion, the History of the Church. I would particularly never lose sight of the fact that persecutions only make martyrs of whom Catholics have had reason to say that they are seeds of Christianity. Therefore, no martyrs. I must never forget that all religions are based on fear, the ancestral fear, all religions are born from this fear. Therefore. if you suppress fear, you suppress religions....You must drive it to the head of men, and particularly in the head of Churchmen to search for, at any price, a universal religion into which all churches would be melted together. So that this idea could take form and life, we must inculcate in pious people, especially Roman Catholics, a feeling of guilt concerning the unique truth in which they pretend to live.... I was Catholic, and very Catholic, I mean, very pious and zealous until my fourteenth year, and I believe it to be rather easy to show Catholics that there are other holy persons among the Protestants, the Moslems and the Jews, etc... So that all men could enter it (this Universal Church), it could retain a vague idea of a God more or less Creator, more or less Good, according to times. Moreover this God will be useful only in periods of calamity. Then the ancestral fear will fill these temples, but in other times they will be rather empty."

The Uncle thought it over a good while, then he said to Michael: " I fear that the Catholic clergy will quickly notice the danger and be hostile to your project."

Michael said: "This is what has happened until now. My idea was launched by Non-Catholics and the Catholic Church has always closed its door to such a program. It is precisely why I want to study the way to make it change its mind. I know that this will not be easy, that we will have to work hard at it, during twenty or even fifty years but that we should succeed in the end."

The Uncle asked: " By what means ?"

Michael replied: "By numerous and subtle means. I look at the Catholic Church as if it were a sphere. To destroy it, you must attack it in numerous small points until it loses all resemblance to what it was before. We will have to be very patient. I have many ideas that might seem at first sight to be petty and childish, but I maintain that the entirety of those petty childishnesses will become an invisible weapon of great efficacity."

Eight days later, Michael met the Uncle's chief whom he described as a monster, a brute with a combination of brutality, coarseness, ruse, sadism, and vulgarity. The chief told Michael: "From now on, you are on the list of our active secret agents. You will give orders every week. I rely on your zeal. I readily admit that it will take a long time to destroy all religions from within, nevertheless, it is necessary that the orders which you will give find an echo, notably among writers, journalists a even theologians. It is to be understood that we have a team who watches the religious writings of the whole world and gives its advice on the utility of directives given by such or such an agent. Therefore, do your best to please. I have good hopes, because it seems to me that you have already understood it all by yourself. "

The following are Michael's own words on various issues:
On The Mass

"The professor also taught me a reasonable way to say mass, since in six years I would be obliged to say it. While waiting for a deep modification of the whole ceremony, he never pronounced the words of the Consecration. But so as not to be suspected, he pronounced words almost similar, at least according to the ending of the words. He advised me to do the same. All that made this ceremony look like a sacrifice should, little by little, be suppressed. The whole ceremony should represent only a common meal, as among Protestants. He even assured me that it should never have been otherwise. He also worked at the elaboration of a new Ordinary the Mass and advised me to do the same also, because it appeared to him to be altogether desirable to present to people a large number of diversified masses."

"It would do some good that a prophecy be sent throughout the world that would be the following : 'Some day, you will see married priests and mass said in vernacular tongues.' I remember with joy that I was the first one to say these things in 1938. That same year, I urged women to ask for the priesthood. And I advocated a mass, not parochial, but a family mass that would be said at home, by the father and mother, before each meal. "
On Holy Scripture

"In Rome, I had very interesting conversations with a professor who would be mine, when I would have received the priesthood. He was a member of our network. He was very optimistic. He had specialized in Holy Scripture and was working at a new translation of the Bible in English. The most astounding was that he had chosen a Lutheran pastor as his only collaborator. The said pastor, besides, was no more in accord with his own church which seemed old-fashioned to him."

"This collaboration, of course, remained secret. The aim of these two men was to rid humanity of all the systems which it had given itself through the Bible, and especially the New Testament had given itself through the Bible, and especially the New Testament. Thus, the virginity of Mary, the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist and His Resurrection, according to them were to be put in parenthesis and finally were to end up in a simple suppression. The dignity of modern man, in their eyes, was worth such a price."

"The modernization of God's Word often allowed to diminish the Church's obstinacy. And that was done in a very natural way. These new translations, besides, facilitated the Biblical dialogues upon which we laid great hopes.... One of my preferred dialogues concerned the Pope, because this personage is really an obstacle to me. When I say 'this personage', I mean also the texts upon which his title is based. Those texts are also as embarrassing for me as they are for the Separated Christians (as they say). I am very grateful to the one who thought that the word 'prevail' has become incomprehensible to the modern man and has replaced it by 'be able'. Instead of 'the gates of Hell will never prevail against it (the Church)', he has written : 'The gates of Hell will never be able to do anything against it.' This makes my meetings Biblical dialogues much easier, at least in French speaking countries. Each one notices very quickly that this prophecy, which pretends that hell can do nothing against the Church, is absolutely false, and every one breathes at ease, because thus withers away this secular belief in a divine protection which, definitely, would always favor the efforts of Catholics (to be understood: never those of Heretics!)."
On the Pope

"About the time I was playing with confession, I was particularly sensitive to one point of doctrine, I mean to say 'the holy virtue of obedience' (as they say.) This obedience especially concerns the Pope. I was turning this problem over and at all its angles, without being able to understand .... I was therefore obliged to ask our services to see to it that the confidence shown to the Pope by Catholics be ridiculed discreetly on every possible occasion. I did not ignore that I was asking them something very difficult. But, all in all, it seemed primordial to me to incite Catholics to criticize the Pope."

"Someone was charged to watch attentively all the Vatican writings, in order to detect even very small details capable of displeasing one category of individuals. The quality of those who criticize the Pope does not matter, the only important thing is that he be criticized. The ideal thing, of course, would be that he displeased everybody, that is, reactionaries as well as modernists."
On the Protestantization of the Church

"It was during those days that I launched on the market (we could almost say) the programme that would allow Catholics to be accepted by Protestants .... Catholics had hoped too much for the return of Protestantism to the fold of the Mother Church. It was time that they should lose their arrogance. Charity made it a duty for them. When charity is at stake, I pretended, laughing up my sleeve, nothing wrong can happen."

"I prophesied with assurance, so that this would be repeated in the same tones, the suppression of Latin, of priestly ornaments, of statues and images, of candles and prie-dieu (so that they could kneel no more) .... And I also started a very active campaign for the suppression of the Sign of the Cross."

"I also prophesied, and we were then in 1940, the disappearance of altars, replaced by a table completely bare, and also of all the crucifixes, in order that Christ be considered as a man, not as a God. I insisted that Mass be only a community meal to which all would be invited, even unbelievers. And came to the following prophecy: Baptism, for the modern man has become ridiculously magical. Whether given by immersion or not Baptism must be abandoned in favor of an Adult Religion."

"Moreover, all that is permitted among Protestants, even if only in one sect, must be authorized among Catholics, that is the remarriage of divorcees, polygamy, contraception and euthanasia."
On the Eucharist

Michael encouraged Protestants to go to Catholic Mass and receive Holy Communion. This is because: "When Catholics will see Protestants receive Communion at their masses, without having been converted, they will longer have confidence in their antique 'Real Presence.' It will be explained to them that this Presence only exists in so far as it is believed. Thus they will feel themselves to be creators of all their religion and the most intelligent all them will know how to draw the required conclusions."

"To weaken more the notion of 'Real Presence' of Christ, all decorum will have to be set aside. No more costly embroidered vestments, no more music called sacred, especially no more Gregorian chant, but a music in jazz style, no more sign of the Cross, no more genuflections, but only dignified stern attitudes .... Moreover the faithful will have to break themselves the habit of kneeling, and this will be absolutely forbidden when receiving Communion .... Very soon, the Host will be laid in the hand in order that all notion of the Sacred be erased."

"In order to destroy all sacredness in the cult, the priest will be invited to say the whole Mass in vernacular and especially to recite the words of the Consecration as a narration, which they are in reality. He must not, above all, pronounce the following words: 'This is my Body, this is my Blood,' as if he really took the place of Christ Who pronounced them."

"Let everyone feel that the priest is reading a narration. Furthermore, there must never be question of a Sacrifice, that is, a Mass-Sacrifice, a non-bloody renovation of the Sacrifice of the Cross. No Protestant accepts this formula. Mass must only be a community meal for the greatest welfare of human fraternity."
On Marian Cult and Cult of The Saints

"At that time, I showed great energy to destroy the Marian cult. I insisted greatly upon the grief that Catholics and Orthodoxes caused to Protestants by keeping up their numerous devotions to the Virgin Mary. I pointed out that the dear separated brethren were more logical and wiser. This human creature about whom we know almost nothing becomes, in our Church, in some way, more powerful than God (or, at least, more gentle ).... I stressed upon the fact that many Protestants believe that Mary had other children after Jesus... Human oddness has no limit. All this strengthens my conviction, that to deny the virginity of Mary is the safest way to transform Christians into disciples of a man who would not at all be God. Who does not see how useful it is to kill Jesus of Nazareth before killing God?"

"I therefore advocated the suppression of the Rosary and of the numerous feast days reserved to Mary... As for all other things, it will be necessary to make a those who keep on reciting the Rosary feel guilty."

"Afterwards, to bluntly suppress the cult of the Saints. The Saints must disappear before God, although it is much easier to kill God than His Saints... Then, we will proceed to suppress Judgement, Heaven, Purgatory and Hell. This is all very easy... Many are well disposed to believe that the Goodness of God surpasses all crimes. AIl we have to do is to insist on this Goodness. A God Whom no one fears, quickly becomes a God about whom no one thinks. Such was the end to be reached. "

"Such is the compendium of the orders which I sent throughout the world."
On the Sacraments

"Afterwards, come the Seven Sacraments, which are all to be revised, all the more so that Protestants only have two. All Christians, of all denominations, have kept Baptism, but, for my part, it is the Sacrament that I would like to see disappear first. This seems relatively easy. It is too childish a Sacrament. Almost as childish as the Sign of the Cross and Holy Water."

"Of course, the Sacrament of Confirmation, which pretends to give the Holy Spirit and can be administered only by a bishop, must be suppressed with energy. This attitude will allow to denounce the dogma of the Holy Trinity as offensive to Jews and Moslems, as well as to certain new Protestant Sects."

"As for the Sacrament called Penance, it would be replaced by a community ceremony, which will only be an examination of conscience directed by a well trained priest, all of which would be followed by a general absolution, as in some Protestant Churches."

"As for the Sacrament of Extreme-Unction, we will have to find another word for it.... I would willingly choose the expression 'Sacrament of the Sick,' and to avoid the idea of Eternal Life, it would be allowed to offer this Sacrament, even in case of a light illness."

"As to the Sacrament of Holy Orders, which confers the power to exercise clerical functions, we will evidently have to keep it. In our Universal Church we will need priests who will be teachers of some Socialist doctrine.... And, of course, marriage will not be refused to the priests who ask for it, not any more than the Sacrament of Holy Orders will be refused to women."

"No, civil marriage only would be allowed. Thus, this Church, basely authoritative, could not forbid any more divorce and the remarriage of divorcees.... I know well that Jesus of Nazareth has spoken in opposition to this opinion. But I have already said elsewhere that we must know what to choose in his teachings that is suitable to modern man."
On the Universal Church

"First, to replace the word 'Catholic' by 'Universal', which means the same thing. But it is very important that word 'Catholic' should not hurt Protestant ears and would not incite the faithful of the Roman Rite to believe themselves Super-Christians .... It is very important that Christians become conscious of the scandal that is caused by the division of the Church. For, there are three kinds of Christianities: the Catholic, many Orthodox and some three hundred Protestant Sects."

"To emphasize the last prayer of Jesus of Nazareth, prayer that was never heard : 'Be one as my Father and I are One.' To cultivate a growing remorse particularly, among Catholics."

"To stress that Catholics are responsible for the division among Christians, because, by their refusal to compromise, they caused schisms and heresies. To come to a point that every Catholic will feel so guilty that he will wish to atone at any price. To suggest to him that he must himself endeavor to find all the means capable of bringing Catholics closer to Protestants (and also to others) without harming the Credo. To keep only the Credo. And again . . . attention. The Credo must undergo a very slight modification. The Catholics say: 'I believe in the Catholic Church.' The Protestants say: 'I believe in the Universal Church.' It is the same thing. The word Catholic means: Universal."

"Always drive minds towards a greater charity, a larger fraternity. Never talk about God, but about the greatness of man. Bit by bit, transform the language and the mentalities. Man must occupy the first place. Cultivate confidence in man who will prove his own greatness by founding the Universal Church in which all good wills shall melt together. To bring out that the good will of man, his sincerity, his dignity are worth more than a God always invisible. To show that the luxury and art found in Catholic and Orthodox Churches are intensely disliked by Protestants, Jews and Moslems. To suggest that this useless show must be suppressed for a greater welfare. To excite an iconoclastic zeal. Youngsters must destroy all this hodgepodge : statues, pictures, reliquaries, priestly ornaments, organs, candles and votive lamps, stained glasses and Cathedrals, etc . . . etc..."

GLORIA POLO’s WITNESS


Taken from one of the interviews done to Dr. Gloria Polo by Radio Maria (Colombia)

Brothers and sisters! It’s beautiful for me to be with you sharing this precious gift my Lord gave me more than ten years ago. (This was at the National University of Colombia in Bogotá). I was attending graduate school, along with my nephew, who was also a dentist. My husband was with us that day. We had to pick up some books at the School of Dentistry on a Friday afternoon. It was raining very hard and my nephew and I were sharing a small umbrella. My husband was wearing his raincoat and he approached the outside wall of the General Library. Meanwhile, my nephew and I approached the trees without noticing, while skipping puddles. As we were about to skip to avoid a huge puddle, we were struck by lightning. We were charred. My nephew died there. He was a young man who, despite his young age, had given himself over to the Lord and was very devout to the Infant Jesus. He always carried the Infant Jesus’ image inside a quartz crystal next to his chest. According to the coroner, lightning entered him through the image, ran through his heart, burned him on the inside and exited through his foot. But on the outside, he was not charred or burnt. In my case, instead, lightning came in this way and burned my body in a horrifying way, on the inside and outside. This body you see here, this reconstructed body, is through the mercy of our Lord. Lightning charred me, left me without breasts, practically made my whole flesh and ribs vanish. My stomach, my legs; lightning went out my right foot, my liver was charred, my kidneys were burned, just like my lungs.



I did family planning using the copper-T intrauterine device. Therefore copper, an excellent electrical conductor, charred me, it pulverized my ovaries. I was left in cardiac arrest, lifeless, my body jumping from the electricity that remained in it. But look: that’s the physical part. The most beautiful part is that while my flesh was there charred, at that instant I found myself inside a beautiful white tunnel full of joy and peace, a happiness for which there are no human words that can describe the grandeur of the moment. The climax of the moment was immense. I was happy and joyful, nothing weighed me down inside that tunnel. At the bottom of that tunnel I saw like a sun, a most beautiful light. I call it white to name a color because no color on earth is comparable with that most beautiful light. I felt the source of all that love, all that peace.



As I was going up I realized I had died. At that instant I thought about my kids and I said “Oh, my God, my kids! What will they say? This very busy mom never had time for them!” That’s when I saw my life truthfully and I became sad. I left home to transform the world, and I couldn’t handle my kids and my home.





And in that instant of emptiness for my children, I looked and saw something beautiful: my flesh was not in this time or space. I saw everybody in a single instant, at the same time, both the living and the dead. I embraced my great-grandparents and my parents, who had passed away. I hugged everyone; it was a full and beautiful moment. That’s when I realized I had been cheated into believing in reincarnation, which I even defended. I used to “see” my grandfather and my great-grandfather everywhere. But they hugged me here, I met with them in an instant, we embraced and I embraced all the people I had anything to do with in my life, everywhere, at the same instant. When I hugged my daughter, she got scared. She was nine years old. She felt my embrace. No time had gone by during that moment, so beautiful, out of my flesh. I didn’t see in the same way I did before, where I only noticed who was fat, thin, dark-skinned, or ugly, always with prejudice. Now, out of my flesh, I would see people on the inside. How beautiful it is to see people on the inside. I would see their thoughts, their feelings. I embraced them in an instant and, still, I kept rising and rising, full of joy. At that point I felt that I was going to enjoy a beautiful sight, an extraordinarily beautiful lake. At that moment, I heard my husband’s voice. My husband was crying and with a deep cry, with deep feeling, he called out to me and said “Gloria, please don’t go! Gloria, come back! The kids, Gloria, don’t give up!” In that instant I took a big glance and I saw not only him, but I saw him crying in deep pain. And the Lord allowed me to come back, although I didn’t want to. What a joy, how much peace, how much happiness! Then, I started descending slowly to find my body, where I found myself lifeless. My body was on a gurney at the medical center on campus. I saw how the doctors gave me electric shocks to pull me out of cardiac arrest. We lied there for two and a half hours. They couldn’t pick us up because our bodies were still conducting electricity. When that finally stopped they were able to assist us and they started resuscitation. I set my feet here, on this part of my head, and I felt a spark that pulled me in violently. I went back into my body. It was very painful to go back because sparks came out everywhere. And I saw me fit into such a “small thing”. My flesh hurt, it was bured. It hurt a lot. Smoke and vapor came out of it. And the most horrible pain was that of my vanity. I was a woman of the world, an executive woman; an intellectual, a student, enslaved by my body, beauty, and fashion. I would work out four hours each day. I would slave to have a beautiful body: massage therapies, diets, well, everything you can imagine, that was my life; an enslaving routine for the sake of a beautiful body. And I would say “if I have beautiful breasts, I might as well show them off. No point in hiding them! The same was true for my legs, because I thought I had great legs and breasts. But in an instant, I saw with horror how I had spent my life taking care of my body. That was the center of my life: my love toward my body. But now, there was no body and no breasts; just some horrible holes. In particular my left breast had practically vanished. My legs were the worst: empty gaps with no flesh, completely charred and blackened. From there, we were transported to a hospital, where they quickly moved me to the operating room and began scraping all my burned tissue.



When I was under anesthesia, I came out of my body again. I saw what the surgeons were doing to my body. I was worried for my legs. All of a sudden I went through a moment of horror. I had been a “dieting Catholic” all my life. My relationship with the Lord was down to Sunday Eucharist, no longer than 25 minutes, wherever the priest’s homily was shortest, because I couldn’t stand anything longer. That was my relationship with the Lord. All the trends of the world tossed me like a windsock. In fact, when I was already in graduate school, I once heard a priest say that hell didn’t exist and neither did demons. That was the only thing that had kept me in the Church. When I was told the devil didn’t exist, I just thought we were all going to heaven regardless of who we were. That distanced me completely from the Lord. My conversations became bad, because sin was not contained inside of me. I started telling everyone that demons didn’t exist, that they had been invented by the priests, that they were manipulations. Hanging out with college friends I started to say that God didn’t exist and that we were the sole product of evolution. But back to that instant in the operating room, I was really terrified! I saw demons coming for me and I was their pay. At that moment I saw many people coming out of the walls of the operating room. At first sight they looked normal, but with a look of hatred on their faces, a horrible look. At that point through some special insight given to me, I realized I owed each one of them. I realized sin was not for free and that the main infamy and lie of the devil was to state that he didn’t exist. I saw how they were coming for me. You can imagine how scared I was. This scientific and intellectual mind was of no avail to me. I bounced off the floor, into my body, trying to come into it again, but my body wouldn’t let me in. I ran away and I’m not sure when I went through the wall in the operating room. I was hoping to hide in some hallway in the hospital but I ended up jumping into thin air.



I went into some tunnels heading downward. At first, they had light and looked like bee hives. There were lots of people. But I started descending and light became scarce and I started roaming some tunnels in pitch darkness. That darkness has no comparison. The darkest darkness on earth is like noontime sunlight compared to it. That darkness causes pain, horror, and shame. And it smells very bad. I finished descending down those tunnels and landed desperately on a flat spot. I used to claim I had an iron will, that nothing was too much for me. But that was useless now, because I wanted to climb up and I couldn’t. At that point I saw a huge mouth opening up on the floor and I felt immense emptiness in my body, a bottomless abyss. The most horrifying thing about that hole was that not even a bit of God’s love was felt in it, not a drop of hope. The hole sucked me in and I felt terrified.



I knew that if I went in there, my soul would die. In the midst of that horror, as I was being pulled in, I was grabbed by my feet. My body was inside that hole, but my feet were being pulled from the top. It was a very painful and horrifying moment. My atheism fell to the wayside. I started clamoring for the souls in purgatory to help me out of there. As I was shouting I felt intense pain because I realized that thousands and thousands of people are there, mostly young people. Very painfully, I heard the gnashing of teeth, horrible screams and moans that shook me to the core. It took me several years to assimilate this because I would cry every time that I remembered their suffering. I realized that’s where people who commit suicide in an instant of desperation end, finding themselves surrounded by those horrors. But the most terrible torment there is the absence of God. God couldn’t be felt there.



In the midst of all that pain, I started screaming “who made this mistake? I’m practically a saint! I’ve never stolen, I’ve never killed, I gave food to the poor, I gave free dental treatments to those who couldn’t afford them. What am I doing here? I went to Mass on Sundays, I always went even though I considered myself an atheist. I didn’t miss more than five Sundays my entire life. I always went to Mass, what am I doing here? I’m a Catholic, please, I’m a Catholic, take me out of here!” While I was screaming about being a Catholic I saw a tiny light. I need to tell you that any light in that darkness is the best gift anyone can get. I saw some stairs over that hole and I saw my Dad, who had died five years before, next to the hole, lit by a faint light, and four steps higher I saw my Mom, with plenty more light and in a prayerful posture.



When I saw them I was very happy. I started yelling “daddy, mommy, please take me out of here, I beg you, take me out of here!” When they lowered their eyes, and my dad saw me there, you should have seen the immense pain they felt. In that place, you feel people’s feelings, you can see pain. My dad started crying, holding his head with his two hands and shaking “my daughter, my daughter!” My mom was praying and I noticed they could not take me out and that my pain was compounded noticing they were sharing that pain with me there.



So I started screaming again, “please, take me out of here, I’m a Catholic! Who made this mistake? Please, take me out of here!” As I was shouting this second time, a voice was heard, a sweet voice, a voice that makes my soul shake when I hear it. Everything was inundated with love and peace and all those creatures ran away in horror because they don’t stand love or peace. And there was peace for me when that precious voice called out to me “all right, if you are a Catholic, tell me the commandments of God’s law.”



What a failed attempt! I knew there were ten, but nothing beyond that. What was I going to do? My mom always talked to me about the first commandment of love. Finally it paid out. Finally my mom’s “chatter” became useful. I had to repeat mom’s “chatter” here. I thought I could wing this one so the others wouldn’t show too much. I thought I could handle things here the way I used to on earth, always with a perfect excuse, always justifying and defending myself so no one would notice what I didn’t know. But this was the real thing, so I started to say “Love God above all and your neighbor as yourself.” “Very well, “I heard, “have you loved them?” And I said “I have, I have, I have!” When I heard “No!” for an answer, that’s when I really felt the shock of lightning run through me even though I hadn’t noticed where the bolt had hit me. “No, you haven’t loved your Lord above all things, and much less your neighbor as yourself! You made a god that you adjusted to your life only when in moments of desperate need! You would prostrate yourself before him when you were poor, when your family was humble, when you wanted to go to college! Back then you prayed on a daily basis and you would prostrate long periods of time, whole hours, begging of your Lord, praying and asking him to pull you out of poverty and allow you to get a degree and become someone. Whenever you were in need and wanted money, you would say a rosary. Lord, please send me some money! That was your relationship with your Lord!” I had an “ATM” relationship with the Lord, I have to admit. I grabbed the rosary, and expected money in return, that was my relationship with him. I was shown how, as soon as I got my degree and made a name for myself, the Lord became too small for me and I started thinking myself better. Not even the smallest expression of love with my Lord. Being thankful? Never! Not even while opening my eyes in the morning, never a “thank you, Lord, for this new day you’ve given me, thanks for my health, for the life of my children, because I have a roof over my head, I pity those with no roof over their heads or food to eat!” Nothing! Very ungrateful! “And besides, you placed your Lord so low that even Mercury and Venus you entrusted more with your luck. You were blindsided by astrology, claiming the stars ran your life! You started walking in all the doctrines of the world. You started to believe that you would die and would start again! And you forgot grace! You forgot that you had been ransomed by your Lord’s blood!” They gave me a test on the Ten Commandments. They showed me that I claimed I adored and loved God with my words, but in reality, I adored Satan. A woman would come to my dentist’s office to offer her services as a sorcerer and I would say “I don’t believe in that, but put those charms right there, just in case, for good luck”. I had set in a corner, where patients did not know, a horseshoe and a cactus plant, supposedly to scare away bad energies.



How shameful all of this was! They made an analysis of all my life based on the Ten Commandments. They showed me who I had been with my fellowman. They showed me how I would tell God I loved him when I wasn’t far from him yet, when I wasn’t involved yet in atheism, but with the same tongue with which I blessed the Lord, I would lash out against all of mankind. I used to criticize everyone. I used to point a finger at everyone, the ever-saintly Gloria. And they showed me how I was full of envy and always ungrateful. I never recognized all my parents’ love and selfless effort, to see me through college, to raise me. As soon as I got a college degree, even they became too little for me. I even felt ashamed of my mom, because of her simplicity, humility, and poverty.



And they showed me as wife. Who was I? I would complain day in and day out, from the break of day. My husband would say “good morning” and I would respond “what do you mean ‘good’? Look, it’s raining outside!” I would complain about my children too. They showed me that I never had love or compassion for my fellowmen, for my brothers and sisters out there. And the Lord told me “you never had any consideration for the sick, never kept them company in their loneliness. Never once compassionate for children without a mother, for all those suffering children”. I had a heart of stone. In a nutshell, I didn’t get half an answer right on my Ten Commandments test.



It was terrible, devastating. I was in total chaos. Surely they couldn’t blame me for having killed anyone?



For example, I bought groceries for many people in need, but I didn’t do it out of love but rather to look good, because it was cool for everyone to see how good I was and it was great to manipulate people in need.



I would tell them “take these groceries, but please take my place at the parent-teacher conference because I don’t have time to attend.” And that’s how I would give people things but I would manipulate them. Besides, I liked being followed by a lot of people singing my praises. I made an image for myself. I was told “you had a god, and that god was money! You have been condemned because of money! Because of it you have sunk into the abyss and you distanced yourself from your Lord.” We had been wealthy, but we were broke at that point, full of debt, having run out of money. Therefore, when they told me money was my god I cried out: “What money? Back on earth I left many debts!” And that’s all I said�



When they talked to me about the second commandment, I saw full of sadness that, as a little girl, I learned that lies were excellent ways of avoiding my mom’s severe punishments. I started walking with the father of lies (Satan) and I became a liar. As my sins grew, my lies also grew. I noticed my mom’s respect for the Lord and how his name was Holy to her, so I took that as a weapon and I started swearing in vain. I would say “Mom, I swear to God�.”, and that’s how I would avoid punishments. Imagine my lies, placing the Most Holy name of the Lord in my rottenness, because at that point I was full of dirt and sin.



And look, brothers and sisters, I learned that words do not go away empty. When my mom was giving me a hard time I would say, “Mom, if I’m lying to you, let a lightning bolt strike me!” And although the words faded in time, it is through the mercy of God that I’m here, because in reality lightning hit me, practically cutting me in half and burning me.



They would show me how I, who called myself a Catholic, never kept my word and would always use the Lord’s Holy Name in vain.



It shocked me how the Lord passed by and all those horrible creatures would throw themselves on the ground in adoration. I saw the Blessed Virgin Mary prostrated at the Lord’s feet, praying for me in supplication, while I, a sinner deep in filth, kept my exchange with the Lord going. I thought myself so righteous! Complaining and cursing against the Lord.



On keeping holy the Lord’s day, it was horrible and I felt intense pain; the voice would tell me how I would dedicate four or five hours to my body every day, but not even ten minutes of deep love to my Lord in thanksgiving or a simple prayer. I would start the rosary very quickly and I would say to myself “I can finish the rosary while the commercials are on for my soap opera.” They showed me how I was never grateful toward the Lord. They also showed me what I used to say when I didn’t feel like going to Mass. “But mom, God is everywhere, why do I need to go there?” Of course it was very convenient for me to say that. The voice would remind me how the Lord was watching over me 24 hours a day but I never prayed a little, or on Sunday to thank him, to show him any gratefulness or love; that going to church was the feeding of my soul. But I took care of my body instead. I was enslaved to my body and I forgot a tiny detail: I had a soul and I never took care of it. I never fed it with the word of God because I would rationalize that whoever read the word of God would go crazy.



On the sacraments, I had nothing. I used to say that I would never go to confession with those old men who were far worse than me. I did it because it was very comfortable for me to do so in the midst of my filth. The evil one drove me away from confession and that is how he took away cleanliness and healing from my soul, because every time I sinned, there was a price to pay: within the white purity of my soul, Satan would place his blemish, a blemish of darkness. Never, with the exception of my first communion, did I make a good confession. From that point on, I received my Lord unworthily. The lack of coherence of my life reached such a stage that I would blaspheme and challenge “Why ‘blessed’ sacrament? Can you imagine God being alive in a piece of bread? Priests should put some caramel spread on that wafer to make it tasty!” That’s how low my relationship with God fell.



I never fed my soul, but to make matters worse, I would criticize priests constantly. You should have seen what a hard time I had on that one! Ever since we were little, I remember criticism against priests being present in my family. My dad used to say that those guys were womanizers and much better off than we were. And we would repeat that. And my Lord told me: “Who did you think you were making yourself God and judging my anointed? They are human, and the holiness of a priest is built by his community, that prays, loves, and supports him. When a priest sins his community is questioned, not him. The Lord showed me that each time I criticized priests, the demons would get attached to me. Besides that, at some point I accused a priest of homosexuality and the whole community found out. You can’t imagine how much harm I did.



On the fourth commandment, honor thy Father and thy Mother, as I already told you the Lord showed me how ungrateful I was to them. I would curse against and complain about them because they could not give me everything my friends had. I never appreciated anything they did for me, to the point of saying I didn’t know my Mom because I thought she was not up to my standards. It was horrible to see the summary of a woman with no God and how that Godless woman can destroy anything coming close to her. But the worse part was that I thought of myself as good and saintly. The Lord also showed me how I thought I could do well on this commandment simply because I paid for my parents’ doctors’ bills and medicines when they became ill, but that since I analyzed everything from the vantage point of money I would manipulate them when I had money. I took advantage even of them, money made me feel god and I stepped all over them. Do you know what really hurt? Seeing my dad crying sadly, because even though he was a good father who had taught me to be hardworking, entrepreneurial, and honest, he forgot a small but important detail: that I had a soul and that he was an evangelizer with his witness, and that therefore, my whole life started to sink as a result of this. I would look upon my dad with hurt when he was a womanizer. He enjoyed telling my mom and everyone, for that matter, that he was a real man because he had several women and he could keep up with all of them. Besides, he was a smoker and a drinker. Those vices made him feel proud because he thought them virtues, not vices. I started to see how my mom would cover her face in tears when my dad started talking about other women. I became full of anger and resentment. That resentment led me to my spiritual death. I saw with terrible anger how my dad humiliated my mom in front of everyone. I rebelled and I told my mom I would never be like her. “That’s why us women are worthless, because of women like you, with no dignity and no pride who let men trample all over them!” And when I grew up, I told my dad “Mind you, I’ll never, ever, let a man humiliate me in the same way you humiliate my mom. If a man is ever unfaithful to me, I’ll repay him!” He hit me and challenged me “Don’t even think about it!” My dad was very chauvinistic. I told him “even if you hit me or kill me, if I ever get married and my husband is unfaithful to me, I will pay him back so men will understand how women suffer when men trample over them.” So, full of that resentment and anger, once I had made enough money I started telling my mom she should separate from my dad despite the fact that I really loved my dad. “You shouldn’t put up with a man like that! Be dignified, make him see your worth!” Can you imagine? I was trying to make my own parents divorce! And mom would tell me “no, honey, of course I hurt, but I’ve sacrificed myself because I have seven children and because, at the end of the day, your dad is a good father and I couldn’t possibly leave and take your father away from you. Besides, if I leave him, who is going to pray for his salvation? I’m the only one who can pray so he will be saved because the hurt and suffering he causes me I raise to unite to the pain of Christ on the Cross. Every day I tell the Lord, “This pain is nothing compared to your Cross, so please save my husband and children!” I didn’t understand that. My anger swelled and changed my life. I became a rebel and started promulgating my desire to defend women. I began defending abortion, cohabitation, and divorce, speaking out in favor of “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”. I was never unfaithful but I harmed many people with my advice.



When we came to the fifth commandment, the Lord showed me I was a horrible assassin and that I had committed the worst and most abominable in front of his eyes: an abortion. Money empowered me to pay for several abortions because I claimed women had a right to choose when they wanted to become pregnant or not. I saw in the book of life and it hurt me deeply when I saw a fourteen-year old girl aborting because I had taught her. When one is poisoned nothing good remains. Everything that comes close to you is also spoiled.



There were these girls, three of them my nieces and the other one, my nephew’s girlfriend. Their parents would let them come to my house because I had money and talked to them about fashion, glamour, how to show their bodies, and so on. My sister would send them to me. I corrupted them. I corrupted minors, that was a horrible sin, compounding abortion. I would tell them not to be innocent. “Your mothers talk to you about virginity and chastity because they’re outdated. They talk about a 2000 year old Bible but priests have refused to come to terms with the modern world. Your mothers talk about what the Pope says, but the Pope is outdated.”



Imagine how poisonous! I taught these girls they had to enjoy their bodies but that they had to contracept. I taught them the “perfect woman” method. That 14 year old, my nephew’s girlfriend, came to my office one day (I saw this in the book of life) and in tears told me “Gloria, I’m just a baby and I’m pregnant!” I scolded her and told her “didn’t I teach you about contraception?” She replied “yes, but it didn’t work!” Then I saw how the Lord had put that girl there so she wouldn’t sink in the abyss, so she wouldn’t abort. Abortion is a heavy chain that drags and tramples, it is a hurt that never ends. It’s the emptiness of being a murderer. It’s the worst thing one can do to a child. As to that girl, instead of talking to her about the Lord, I gave her money to have an abortion at a ‘good’ place so she wouldn’t have any complications later on in life. Just like that one, I sponsored several abortions. Each time the blood of a baby is spilled, it’s like a holocaust to Satan. It is a holocaust which hurts and shakes the Lord. In the book of life I saw how our soul is formed the moment the sperm and the egg touch. A beautiful spark is formed, a light beaming from the sun of God the Father. As soon as the womb of a mother is impregnated, it lights up with the brightness of that soul. When there is an abortion, that soul screams and moans in pain even if it has no eyes or flesh. When it is being murdered, that cry is heard and heaven shakes and an equally strong cry is heard in hell, but this time of joy. Immediately after that happens, some seals break loose in hell and larvae come out to continue prowling around humankind, keeping it enslaved to the flesh and to all those bad things we see and the worse that will come.



Because, how many babies are killed on a daily basis? And it is a victory for him. The price of innocent blood releases one more demon each time. I got washed in that blood and my clean soul became absolutely dark. After those abortions, I had no more sense of sinfulness. For me, everything was okay. It was sad to see how all those debts I owed the devil included as well all those babies I had killed myself because I had a copper-T intrauterine device. I painfully saw how many little babies had been created and those suns had burst, with the cry of that baby being torn away from the hands of his Father God. No wonder I was always sour and ill-tempered, with a grim face, frustrated with everyone and very depressed. I had become a baby-killing machine!



And that sank me deeper into the abyss. How could I say I hadn’t killed? How about every person I disliked, hated, or simply couldn’t put up with? I was being a murderer there too. Because people don’t only die from a gunshot. It’s enough to hate them, to do bad things to them, to be envious of them. You kill with that.



As far as the sixth commandment is concerned I thought “they can’t find any dirt here; I didn’t have any affairs and I’ve only had one man, my husband, my entire life”. Then they showed me that each time my chest was showing and I was wearing leotards I was inciting other men to look at me and have impure thoughts and I would make them sin. That’s how I fell into adultery.



I would advise women to be unfaithful to their husbands. I would advise against forgiveness and would encourage divorce. That was enough to commit a horrible adultery.



And I realized the sins of the flesh are horrendous and condemning even if the world says they’re cool and that we should keep on behaving like animals. Sadly, I let go of the hand of the Lord, because we sin in thought, soul, and actions.



It was painful to see how all that sin, for example the sin of my father’s adultery, damaged and tore apart his children. It made me resentful against men and it made my brothers into three identical copies of my dad, happy to be womanizers and drunkards� they didn’t realize how much they were harming their children. That’s why my dad would cry with so much hurt seeing how his sin had been inherited in them and in his daughter, damaging God’s work.



On the seventh commandment, regarding not stealing, I considered myself very honest. The Lord showed me that while food was being wasted in my house, the rest of the world was going hungry. He told me “I was hungry and look what you did with what I gave you and how you would squander it. I was cold and see how you became enslaved to fashion and appearance, wasting lots of money in treatments to look thinner. In other words, you made a god out of your body.” He showed me I was guilty of the misery of my country and that I did have to do with it. He showed me how every time I gossiped about someone I stole his honor. It would have been easier to steal money from someone, because at least I could have returned it, but not so a person’s reputation. I stole from my children the grace of having a mother at home, tender and loving, and not the mother out in the world leaving them with the TV, the computer, or the video games for baby sitters. To clean my conscience, I would buy them brand-name clothes. It horrified me even worse when I saw my mom questioning herself, even though she was a saintly woman who loved and corrected us. So I thought: “What about me? I haven’t given my children anything! How frightening, what immense pain!”



I felt ashamed because in the book of life you get to see everything like in a movie. And my children would say “let’s hope mom doesn’t come home soon, hopefully there will be a traffic jam, because she’s really annoying and is always complaining.” How sad it is for a three year old boy and a slightly older girl to say that. I stole their mother from them; I stole the peace I was supposed to give in my home. I didn’t teach them God through me; I didn’t teach them to love their fellowman. It’s very simple: if I don’t love my fellowman, I have nothing to do with the Lord. If I have no mercy, I have nothing to do with the Lord.



Because God is love and� well, I’ll tell you a little bit about not bearing false witness. Or lie, because I was an expert at it. Satan became my father, because you may have either God or Satan as father.



If God is love, but I hate, who is my father? Not hard to answer. And if God speaks to me about forgiveness and about loving those who hurt me but I would say that I would repay any offense, then who is my father? And if He is the truth and Satan is the lies, who is my father? There are no white lies or anything like that. They are all lies and Satan is their father. My sins of the word were so terrible! I saw how much I had hurt with my tongue. Whenever I gossiped, whenever I made fun, whenever I gave anyone a nickname, how much did that person hurt. How much did that nickname hurt. I could give someone with a weight problem an inferiority complex by just calling her fat. How much evil I did, because words always end up as actions. When they gave me the test on the ten commandments, all my evils came from covetousness, that mad desire. I always thought I would be happy if only I had lots of money. And it became an obsession. How sad! The worst moment for my soul was when I had the most money. I even thought of killing myself. With so much money and alone, empty! Sour. Frustrated. That greed for money was the path that led me astray and away from my Lord’s hand. After my test on the ten commandments they showed me the Book of Life. I wish I had words to describe it. My book of life started at conception, when my parents’ cells united. Almost immediately there was a spark, a beautiful explosion and a soul was formed, my soul, grabbed by the hand by God my Father, such a beautiful God. So marvelous! Looking for me 24 hours a day. What I saw as punishment was nothing but His love because He didn’t look at my flesh but rather at my soul and He would see how I was straying away from salvation.



Before I finish I have to give you an example of how beautiful the Book of Life is. I was very hypocritical. I would tell someone “you look beautiful in that dress, it looks great on you” but inside of me I would think “what a disgusting outfit and she thinks herself the queen!” On the Book of Life, it would show up exactly as I had thought about it, even though my words also appeared, as well as the inside of my soul. All my lies were uncovered for everyone to see. I would often play hooky on my mom because she wouldn’t let me go anywhere. I would lie to her about going to the library with some friends to work on a school project and my mom would believe me. And I would head off to watch a pornographic movie or to a bar to drink beer with my friends. But my mom saw my life, nothing escaped her. The Book of Life is very beautiful. My mom would pack bananas, guava paste, and milk for my lunch because my parents were very poor when I was little. I would eat the banana and would throw the peel anywhere. I was never aware that someone could get hurt if I did that. And the Lord showed me who it was who fell because of that banana peel and how I could have killed that person due to my lack of mercy. The only time I did a good confession, with sorrow and repentance, was when a woman gave me back too much change. She gave me back 4,500 pesos more than she was supposed to at a grocery store in Bogota. My dad had taught us to be honest and never to take anyone’s money. I noticed her mistake in the car, heading to my office. “That stupid woman gave me back 4,500 pesos more than she was supposed to and now I have to go back! There was a huge traffic jam so I decided not to turn back. After all, why was she so stupid! But the hurt remained because my dad had planted well the seed of honesty. I went to confession on Sunday and I accused myself of stealing 4,500 pesos because I didn’t give them back. I didn’t even pay attention to the priest’s words. The devil couldn’t accuse me of having stolen. But do you want to know what the Lord told me? “You didn’t repay that lack of charity. That money was pocket change for you, but to her, making the minimum wage, it was three day’s worth of food.” The saddest part was that he showed me how she suffered and went hungry for a couple days. Because of me, her two little ones hungered. That’s how the Lord shows these things. It shows how someone suffered with something I did. The Lord asked me: “What spiritual treasures do you bring?” Spiritual treasures! And my hands were empty! That’s when he told me: “What was the point in your owning two condos, houses, and office buildings? You thought yourself a successful professional. You couldn’t even bring the dust off of one of those bricks here. What did you do with the talents I gave you?” “Talents?” I thought. “You had a mission. The mission to defend the kingdom of love, the Kingdom of God.” I had forgotten I had a soul so I could hardly remember I had talents, that I was the merciful hands of God. Much less that all the good I didn’t make hurt the Lord. Do you want to know what the Lord kept on asking me? About lack of love and charity. That’s when He told me about my spiritual death. I was alive, but dead. If you could have seen what “spiritual death” is. It’s like a soul that hates. Like a terribly sour and fastidious soul that injures everyone, full of sin. I could see my soul on the outside, smelling well, with good clothes on, but my stench on the inside, living deep in the abyss. No wonder I was so depressed and sour! And he told me: “Your spiritual death began when you stopped hurting for your brothers!” I was warning you by showing you their plight everywhere. When you saw media coverage on murders, abductions, refugee situations, and with your tongue you said, on the outside, ‘poor people, how sad’, but you didn’t really hurt for them. You felt nothing in your heart. Sin made your heart into a heart of stone.”



You can imagine my deep sorrow when my book closed. I had deep sorrow with God my Father for having behaved like that because, despite all my sins, despite all my filth and all my indifference and all my horrible feelings, the Lord always, up until the last instant, searched for me. He would always send me instruments, people, He would talk to me, He would yell at me, He would take things away from me to seek me. He looked for me up until the very end. God is always “begging” at each one of us to convert.



I couldn’t accuse Him of condemning me! Of course not. Out of my free will, I chose my father, and my father was not God. I chose Satan, he was my father. When that book closed I noticed I was heading down into a pit with a door at its bottom. And as I’m heading there, I started calling out to all the saints so they would save me. You have no idea how many saints I remembered, being such a bad Catholic. I thought I could ask for help from Saint Isidore or Saint Francis of Assisi. When I ran out of saints, the same silence remained. I felt great emptiness and hurt.



I thought everyone back on earth was probably thinking I had died a Saint, perhaps even waiting eagerly to ask for my intercession. And look! Where was I headed? I lifted my eyes and they met the eyes of my mom. With intense pain I cried out to her “mommy, how ashamed I am! I was condemned, mommy! Where I’m going I’ll never get to see you again! At that moment, they granted her a beautiful grace. She was still but her fingers moved and pointed upward. A couple of very painful scales fell from my eyes, that spiritual blindness. I saw a beautiful moment, when one of my patients told me: “Doctor, you are very materialistic and some day you’ll need this. When you find yourself in imminent danger, ask Jesus Christ to cover you with His Blood, because He will never abandon you. He paid the price of blood for you.” With that immense shame and pain I started to cry: “Jesus Christ, Lord, have compassion on me! Forgive me, Lord, give me a second chance! And that was the most beautiful moment. I have no words to describe that moment. He came and pulled me out of that pit. When He picked me up, all those creatures threw themselves on the ground. He picked me up and he pulled me onto that flat part and told me with all His love: “You will go back, you will have a second chance (�)”, but He told me it wasn’t because of my family’s prayer. “It’s normal for them to pray and cry out for you. It’s because of the intercession of all those foreign to your body and blood who have cried, have prayed, and have raised their heart with immense love for you.” I began to see many little lights lighting up, as little flames of love. I saw the people who were praying for me. But there was a big flame, it was the one that gave out the most light. It was the one that gave out the most love. I tried to see who that person was. The Lord told me: “That person you see right there loves you so much that he doesn’t even know you.” He showed me how this man had seen an old newspaper clipping from the previous day. He was a poor peasant who lived in the foothills of the “Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta” (translator’s note: in northeastern Colombia). That poor man went into town and bought some processed sugar cane. They wrapped it for him in an old newspaper from the previous day. My picture was there, all burned. When that man saw the news, without even reading it in full, he fell to the ground and started crying with the deepest love. And he said, “Father, Lord, have compassion on my little sister. Lord, save her. Look, Lord, if you save my little sister, I promise you I will go on pilgrimage to the Shrine of Our Lord in Buga (translator’s note: in southwestern Colombia), but please save her.” Imagine a very poor man, he wasn’t complaining or cursing because he was hungry, but instead he had this capacity to love that he could offer to cross an entire country for someone he didn’t even know. And the Lord told me: “That is love for your fellowman” (�) And then He told me: “You will go back, but you won’t repeat this 1000 times. You will repeat it 1000 times 1000. And woe of those who don’t change their ways despite having heard you, because they will be judged much more severely, just like you will when you come back here again, even their anointed or their priests, or any of them, because the worst deafness is that of a man who refuses to hear.”



And this, my brothers and sisters, is not a threat. The Lord doesn’t need to threaten us. This is the second chance you have and that, thanks be to God, I lived through what I did. When each one of you gets his Book of Life opened in front of you, when each one of you dies, you will see that moment just as I saw it. And we will see each other just as we are� the only difference being we will see our thoughts in the presence of God, and the most beautiful part, with the Lord in front of each one of us, once again, “begging” us to convert and to become a new creation with Him, since we cannot do it without Him.


May the Lord bless each one of you abundantly. All glory be to our God! All glory be to our Lord Jesus Christ!

Interview of Dr. Gloria Polo by Radio Maria ( Colombia )

http://www.gloriapolo.com

Is Kabbalistic Rabbi Kaduri's Yeshua the real thing, or is he an Antichrist?

By Stephen Yulish Ph.D.

In September of 2005, a friend sent me an article from Arutz Sheva which is Israel National News, entitled "Kabbalist (Rabbi Kaduri) urges Jews to Israel ahead of impending disasters." I had been very tempted to just delete the article because of my disdain for anything to do with Jewish mystical lore (i.e. Kabbalah). From personal experience, I had found out that it was not of God.

Let me explain. There has been a resurgence of late in the ancient Jewish mystical practice of Kabbalah as a result of many Hollywood types, some Jewish and some not, falling into this spiritual delusion. Don’t be fooled, dabbling in this type of endeavor can have serious consequences on you and your children’s lives. I am not going to quote scripture to you or give you an intellectual argument for avoiding Kabbalah. I am going instead to tell you a real story about one person’s descent into the spiritual arrogance of Kabbalah and hope that it scares the hell out of you. That person was me!

While I was brought up in a more or less traditional Jewish household and went to an after school Cheder (Hebrew School) from ages 9-13 to prepare for my Bar Mitzvah, I was always interested in way-out things. I loved science fiction and fantasy novels and as a young teen even tried to write a story for Analog Science Fiction Magazine about life on Mars. My interests gradually moved into study of philosophy, religion, and mysticism. I became what the Bible speaks of as a Gnostic. I wanted to commune directly with God. Forget the traditional religions and their outdated legalistic, moralistic practices. I was trying to find personal knowledge (gnosis) of God. I meditated, studied astrology, numerology, the paranormal, the supernatural, UFOs, Hinduism, Buddhism, Zoroastrianism, and death and dying research. I studied my dreams, alternate states of consciousness, and gradually found myself studying Jewish mysticism.

I was excited to find that the Zohar (23 volume Kabbalah bible) spoke of astrology, reincarnation (gilgul), spirit guides, and many other subjects that I loved. Now, I could be so called New Age and Jewish as well. I loved it.

When I was an undergrad student in the Sixties, my university was closed for a semester because of the anti-Vietnam and inner city rioting and they instead offered free classes. I took one on Edgar Cayce, the Sleeping Prophet, which would influence my life for the next twenty years. As a grad student, I bought the multi-volume copy of the Zohar. One was supposed to be Jewish, married, forty years old, male, and learned in Torah and Talmud before one was allowed to study Kabbalah (which means to receive or accept-tradition). I was Jewish, male and married but still in my thirties and not that conversant in Torah and Talmud. I was told that it could drive you mad if studied without these restrictions. I laughed, but in a way it did drive me mad. How Madonna and others can be told that it is all right for them to study Kabbalah is beyond me. It is literally playing with hell fire.

Thirty years ago, while I was a Professor at the University of Arizona, I wrote a paper for a feminist journal, Anima, entitled "Adam: Male, Female or Both". It spoke of the androgynous nature of Adam according to Genesis as well as described the Kabbalistic character of Lilith. Lilith was supposedly the first wife of Adam in the Garden created from dust like him and therefore his equal. She was the first feminist and refused to lie beneath him when they made love and screamed some ungodly obscenities and flew off to the netherworld where she continues to kill newborn babies and wreak other havoc on unsuspecting males. I had glorified her.

Then, a couple of years later I wrote a novel, "The Other World" where I again glorified Lilith and her cohort Samael (Satan). I read from this at a loft in Greenwich Village in New York City. Thank God it was never published but I had been completely enamored with Kabbalah. I got people to love it. I even taught adult Bible classes for young Jewish married couples on Kabbalah. I was leading the masses astray not to speak of thousands of my students. I even taught a grad class on "Alternate Conceptions of Reality" where I spoke of reincarnation (Kabbalistic gilgul), karma etc.. One of my students committed suicide and everyone he knew wanted me at the funeral because he supposedly loved my class the best. I probably helped lead this poor guy to hell with my Kabbalistic notions of reincarnation.

Later, my rabbi friends encouraged me in Kabbalah. We talked on gilgul and how many great rabbis had spirit guides. Oy, were we all deceived! In 1985, I went to a meeting in L.A. held by Rabbi Michael Berg, the current guru of Kabbalah and Madonna’s mentor. He was my mentor twenty years ago. I had read his books and had gone to L.A. to get enlightened. We all immersed in a ritual bath to cleanse ourselves and then had meetings etc. I was into this stuff twenty years before Hollywood ever even thought about it. Been there done that. Rabbi Berg told us how we could become like God.

Fast forward twenty years and I have just finished the article about Kabbalistic Rabbi Kaduri. I knew that it had been the Ruach Hakodesh, the Holy Spirit (that had opened my eyes eighteen years earlier) that had coaxed me to read what I did not want to read. What I found strengthened my belief that we are indeed in the last of days and that the people of Israel are being set up for the reign of the Antichrist. May God have mercy on their souls.

On Tuesday night, September 13, 2005, Rabbi Yitzchak Kaduri, a rabbi steeped in Jewish Kabbalistic, mystical lore told his Yeshiva class (Jewish school) that Jews all over the world needed to return to Israel due to impending natural disasters which threatened to strike the world. He had spoken of tsunamis and other natural disasters. I asked myself how he could know what was going to happen? Probably because he used gematria (numerology) and other kabbalistic divinations, witchcraft, and demonic practices that the Lord called detestable to Him in Deuteronomy 18:10-12. Satan knows that his time is short and he will give people just enough knowledge to condemn them to hell with him for eternity.

We know from Scripture that the Jews will return to the land of Israel in the end of days. We know that the Church is about to be taken up to be with Jesus in the clouds at the Harpazo, the Rapture, and that it will be explained to those left behind as an abduction by UFOs. We know that the man of lawlessness, the Antichrist, will then be revealed and will take his place in the rebuilt Temple and declare himself to be God.

Rabbi Kaduri had said that when the danger comes to Israel, the Temple will be rebuilt and the righteous Messiah will be revealed. Open your eyes people and see how Satan used Rabbi Kaduri to bring Jews back to Israel to worship the soon to be revealed "unrighteous messiah", the Antichrist, in the soon to be rebuilt Temple. Rabbi Kaduri said that many dangers and disasters would come upon the earth. He is correct. After the Rapture of the saints, the seven years of Tribulation will begin which the prophet Jeremiah called the time of Jacob’s Trouble.

During that time according to the Prophet Zechariah, two-thirds of the Jews will perish until the Messiah (Christ) returns and all Israel that is left will look on Him whom they have pierced and wail and their eyes will be opened and they will be saved (Romans 11:26).

Instead of Jews realizing that Yeshua Hamashiach, Jesus the Messiah, Jesus the Christ, is their Lord and Savior, not only are they going to be left behind at the Rapture, but they are going to be misled and deceived once again to accept a false messiah as their savior and two-thirds will die in the Tribulation.

Back in 2005, Rabbi Kaduri said that the great Rabbi Schneerson (he also has since died) told him that Kaduri would live to see the coming of the Messiah. He said that the current government of Israel would be the last one of the old era. Sharon would the last prime minister. The new leadership would be that of the Messianic era.

Well, Schneerson was obviously incorrect and must therefore have been a false prophet. Rabbi Kaduri died a year ago in 2006 before the coming of the Messiah. Sharon is also no longer the Prime Minister of Israel. Before he died, however, Rabbi Kaduri told his followers that the spirit of Messiah had already attached itself to an Israeli and he also had been given the name of the coming Messiah but it was not to be revealed until one year after his death. The note containing the name has just been opened and it says that the coming Messiah will be called Yehoshua (Joshua) or the Aramaic, Yeshua (salvation). This name, Yeshua Hamashiach (literally Jesus the Messiah or the Christ),is unbelievably what Rabbi Kaduri’s followers called him and it still appears at Rabbi Yeshua's Wisdom!


The returning Jesus (Yeshua HaMashiach) will not be an Israeli man but will come "in just the same way as you have watched Him go into heaven" (Acts 1:11).

The Antichrist, however, will be a man. If this is not a false Messiah, a false Christ, a false Yeshua, then call me crazy. If this is not a demonic setup for the coming of the Antichrist, then I don’t know what is!

The Jews will be deceived to believe that the coming Antichrist is really their Messiah, their Yeshua HaMashiach - but alas they will be wrong.

Look up, those who believe, for your redemption draws near. We are indeed in the end of days.

(bold and color - SV webmaster ... and I thoroughly agree with above in red)

Vassula Rydén reportedly began receiving messages from God back in 1985. I don't believe the Roman Catholic Church has approved her at this point in time, but to my knowledge, Pope John Paul II met with her at least once if not more. I never heard him say anything negative about her. You may judge for yourself at her site TLIF (True Life in God). Here is part of one of the latest messages from Jesus through Vassula for our troubled times:

The Lord said: "Let them repent before Me with these words:"

Prayer of Repentance and Deliverance

Lord, you have endured me all these years with my sins, but nonetheless You pitied me;

I was led astray in every way, but now I will sin no more; I have wronged You and I have been unjust; I will be so, no more; I renounce sin, I renounce the Devil, I renounce iniquity that stains my soul; free my soul from all that is against Your holiness;

I entreat You, Lord, to rescue me from all evil; Come Jesus now, come now and abide in my heart;

Forgive me, Lord, and allow me to rest in You, For You are my Shield, my Redeemer and my Light and in You do I trust;

From today I will bless You Lord at all times;

I repudiate evil and all other gods and idols, for You are the Most High over the world, far transcending all other gods;

By Your mighty arm, rescue me from ill health, rescue me from being a captive, rescue me from trouble and defeat my enemy the Devil; come quickly to my help O Saviour!

Amen